Monday, April 12, 2010

I saw my future Saturday night...

I went to play Bunco on Saturday night with Jessica. I had never played before and it was interesting and fun. The game itself is very easy and not anything you have to think about, so it can become tedious as it goes on.
However, this isn't about Bunco. Or the fact that I didn't win. Boo.

It's about my future! No, I'm not saying that I will be an old lady Bunco fanatic. Let me describe my future for you.

My future was sitting at a table with her back to me. I didn't even recognize her. And then she turned around and I still didn't recognize her. Once we ended up at the same table and we were introduced and talked, I recognized her at once. She is me. I am her. We are twins. With a considerable age difference.

She was around 5 feet tall with curly silver/white hair tucked up underneath a black ball cap. She was dressed all in black with orthopedic type shoes.

She had the most lovely dark brown eyes and bright fuchsia painted lips. She flung the dice with a zest I would not assign to a 61 year old woman. And you can tell she's young at heart with a great sense of humor.

The first clue that I was staring at my future was when I first noticed her ball cap. It was black with a word lovingly stitched across the front in bright white.


Wonder where I can get one?


As the night continued I heard many wise things from my future. She was encouraging to all of the players who sat at her table.

She made little voodoo type gestures with her hands when the opposite team got the dice. She muttered profanities under her breath when she or her partner did badly. (what? i didn't say she was positive...she "encouraged" the opposite team to do badly. what do you expect? we're playing for serious scratch here, people.)

So. I have seen my future and I am not scared. I can totally see myself as this spunky little old lady in 30 years.

I wonder, though, if I will ever encounter a situation where I will mutter something about "sucking on the long hair of the tit"?? What does that even mean? I hope I see her again, soon. I need to ask what this means before I start using it.


46 comments:

Dee said...

oh my gawd. ROFLMAO Hilarious stuff! I totally think you should follow her lead!

McVal said...

LOL! I can't imagine any conversation that could include that comment... One of my sisters with a really wacky sense of humor and myself want to go to the same nursing home someday, because it will be a hoot!

mama-face said...

She is me. I am her. Bwahahaha. I think you are on to something there. Maybe you should have tried her hat on; assuming she would have let you.

Hey, us old people can fling the dice just as well as you young ones. It's called practice. :-)

Gosh, that is a gross thing she said. But is does seem to convey a certain emotion we probably all have at some point.

xoxo

Cathy said...

Love this! I have played Bunco before as a fill-in. All ages of women with one thing in common...a crass sense of humor and a love of the drink. Wait,that's two things. It was a great time and I hope my friend asks me to be a fill-in again!

Mommakin said...

Sucking on the who-sy what now???

jenjen said...

LOL - I love it! I want to be a feisty lady who does what she wants and doesn't care what people think too!

XOX
Jen

Salt said...

You need that hat. And so do I. That is so fantastic!

I hope you see her again soon too, so you can ask her what the hell that means. Please tell me when you find out!

PS. When I watch football games, I totally mutter voodoo curses under my breath when the other team has the ball.

samantha said...

Haha, I love Bunco! Would that lady's name be Linda by any chance? It sounds just like my old co-worker around the same age and description. Glad you had a fun night out. Oh your welcome to stop by anytime and it doesn't even have to be Sat. !)

blueviolet said...

I say go ahead and start using the phrase before you know what it means! makes it way more fun that way!

WebSavvyMom said...

-->I play bunco once a month with a group of ladies and one sub will show up named Backseat Betty. She is 81 years old! I told "my future" what WTF meant and she said, oh dear, I need to remember that to say in front of Jack (her husband of 60 years). Loved it!
~deb
www.WebSavvyMom.com

Unknown Mami said...

Maybe it means you are going to have a really long hair on your tit when you get to be that age.

Raoulysgirl said...

You met my mom!?!?!?!?

Totally kidding. My mom is a little more subdued...a smidge.

We could totally be old lady friends...sittin' in rockers on the front porch, drinkin' sweet tea...and yellin' profanities at every passing car!

Mwa ha ha!!!

Mommy Lisa said...

I WANT TO BE A SPUNKY OLD LADY!!!

:)

Big Boops said...

If you ever see her again, ask her to do a guest post! I want ALL of her secrets and her hat!

Sheila said...

OMG! That is hilarious! I'm glad you know how you are going to turn out! :)

Sheila said...

OMG! That is hilarious! I'm glad you know how you are going to turn out! :)

jessalyn said...

that phrase just gave me the heeby jeebs.

i love finding you of the future. i am convinced i am going to end up one of the old ladies sitting on her porch in provincetown hitting on the drag queens. i know it will get me no where, but it is fun anywho.

Much More Than Mommy said...

Oh I hope you see her again, I hope! I hope! I hope! And up until that last comment that I'm scared to learn what it means, I was going to tell you that I'm pretty sure that was also Winn's twin.

w said...

hahahaah! i just read mmtm's comment. and this is the thing. i'm going to plug in the word bizarro here. because i was just about to tell you that the old lady. she's my twin.

also. please don't ever use that saying. it's naughty. i use it only when i'm out clubbin'.

MaryRC said...

She sounds like a riot! I mean you sound like a riot!!

Myya said...

Ahhhh hhhhhaaaa HA! I can totally seeing you be like that! Funny thing though... when I read your title I automatically thought you were talking about Saturday Night Live... Tina Fay was on & she was doing a skit with Justin Beiber & was totally lusting after him... made me think about you & your inappropriate thoughts toward a certain movie star. :)

Dual Mom said...

Because I'm all about helping out my fellow blogger...I googled "sucking on the long hair of a tit". Yeah...I strongly suggest NOT doing that. Geesh people are sick.

I love that hat...just love it!

obladi oblada said...

Well, when you see her again..tell her Im stealing the hat. Oh, and ask her what that phrase means. By then, you (or she) will know. What DOES that even mean?

Mrsblogalot said...

HAAAA! Yes, please find out what that means so we can all use it!!!

I need to know!!!

Cheeseboy said...

Wow, this is mind blowing - talking to your future self. Could be the actual plot of LOST???

hoehnefour said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica said...

See, I told you Bunco would be enlightening. I knew you would fit in just fine. :) I was there for the tit comment, ohhhhhh, hiliarious!!!

Vodka Logic said...

What a great post, humorous but so full of truth. I so can see it..but I wouldn't be muttering the obsenities under my breath.

I would love to meet you now and later !!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

You need to have Jess feature that line in her next week's UD.

And I love that she wears a hat that reads bitch and orthopedic shoes. Nice combo.

Erin said...

What a FABU post!! I wanna meet my future, too. And I want that hat!

Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

Now that's MY kind of old person.

I always like the ones who loudly proclaim what hateful bitches they are while being spunky and fun and not all that bitchy.

As long as I'm not mixing up pedals and taking out garages, I'm good.

(*Holds 10 foot pole. Eyeballs quote. Walks away.*)

I wonder if that voodoo stuff will work for me at BINGO?!

Christiejolu said...

When you find out what that means please let me know. I have to say I have never heard it but when I read it I thought "What DOES that mean!" Now I need to know!

Cara Smith said...

Google provided answers in the form of porn. I didn't look, I was just hoping for a definition.

Lori E said...

Bunco? WTH is that? Sounds like something you go to jail over.
At least your alter ego/cell mate can watch your back and show you the ropes in prison.

Sara said...

I like to pretend Tina Fey is my future.

I'm pretty sure it's not true, but I love her and I'm already like a younger version of Liz Lemon.

But if I find a hat that says "Bitch" on it, I might save it for later.

Or for you. Whichever.

kado! said...

i want to meet her too! she sounds like the life of the party!!!

Desert Rose said...

Ya, I can see it! I love spunky old ladies!

Symply Me said...

Does this mean that you break the mold of the rest of us, and you are NOT going to morph into your mother some day?! That's reassuring, right? Unless that's how your mom is, in which case...ROCK ON!!! You crack me up, in case you didn't already know!

Cassie said...

Do I have to wait until I'm 61 to wear the Bitch hat? Just asking...

Jen said...

Genius :) That's all I'm going to say - you make me smile.

shortmama said...

Oh man...she sounds like my kind of old lady!

The Only Girl said...

I totally need one of those hats for my friend! It would suit her to a tee!

Frances said...

OMG! Hilarious!

Vivienne said...

Wha...? I don't have any idea what she might mean by that. It's the "hair" that throws me.

My hubs refers to the game as Drunko, and he's right. And I want that hat.

Xazmin said...

Well, I'm a little jealous that you've found another twin, BUT she does sound absolutely hilarious! Sorry you didn't win!

Miss you! (notice how I'm putting that on every comment tonight?)

PeaceLoveApplesauce said...

I need that hate.. for real, not for fake! We could get matching ones & be twinkies! ;)