So this one time.....? At band camp.....?
Ha!
Just kiddin'.
But this is a really old one that for some reason I can't forget.
If you went to high school with me, there's a good chance you might wanna shut your eyes.
Or something.
Long ago...in a land far away school that's not that far from where I live today, I had to pee. Bad.
I was a senior and I was in this class called Government. I guess you learned about Government in it. I really don't know because most of the time I slept. Hey. It was right before lunch and I worked every night after school until pretty late, so I was tired. And plus I bought my final grade with cookies in the 3rd week of class so I didn't care. True story.
Anyloser, I decided to get up and go to the bathroom which means I had to have a hall pass.
This teacher's hall pass was redonkulous. It was ginormous. It was made out of the same material as a clipboard and it was damn near as big. Okay, it was like 5 x 7 or something.
I got the hall pass and booked it outta there (for those of you too young to remember, "booked it" means run. sheesh. young'uns.) and headed to the nearest safe bathroom.*
I got into the stall and set the hall pass up on the toilet paper dispenser. I did my business and got up and was buttoning my cool button fly Bongo jeans (for those of you too young to remember, "Bongo" jeans were sweet for a while. sheesh. young'uns.) and my left elbow knocked the hall pass into the freakin' toilet.
In the pee water.
Ew.
What to do? I don't know! I have to get the pass out of there or I'll be in trouble! I'm sure the teacher, who could be bought off with cookies for your final grade in the class, would totally care if you left the thing in the bathroom. I mean, it was probably of utmost importance to a teacher with such high standards, right? Right.
I did the only thing I could do.
I reached in the pee water and retrieve the sopping wet hall pass.
Then I ran to the sink and dumped soap and water all over it and scrubbed it down.
Now what....now what to do...dry it off? Yes. I'll dry it off...wait, I have to flush the toilet.
I run back into the stall and flush the toilet.
Dry the pass off, and run back to class hoping that nobody will notice I was gone for a while.**
I stuck the hall pass back in it's spot and prayed nobody would need to use it for a while since it was still wet. Probably stinky, too.
I'll never forget about that.
But one thing I don't remember is when it occurred to me that since the stupid pass was so big I could have flushed the toilet without fear that it would flush too, and then retrieved it out of clean water.
*safe bathroom is one of the bathrooms that you prefer to use in school. not always the closest to your class, but you're willing to take the extra time to get there because for some reason you like it better. like maybe it's more private and you can poop if you have to without someone coming in and seeing your shoes and knowing you're pooping. then going and announcing to the entire student body that you're stinkin' the place up. just one of an insecure girl's fears in school.
**dude. if you're gone for too long people automatically assume you were pooping. you don't want that.
Have a great weekend, all!
pssst!!
go to cape cod awesome and enter to win an Amazon gift card! or don't, cuz i want it.
43 comments:
oh hell. ROFLMAO This is great!
Eeewwww, that was you?????
I have enough pee stories to write a damn book!
I peed my pants at a softball game once while walking to the bathroom. I just couldn't make it, not a full emptying of the bladder but enough to leave small wet circle around my crotch {good thing I was wearing black}. I then had to walk back to the stands to wait for my daughters game to finish. Yes you read correctly my daughters game. This happened a few weeks ago. Freaking kids hung on to my bladder like a freaking security blanket during delivery!
ahhahahahahha. nasty.
I'm thinking I would not have bothered with the soap and water....yeah...nope..I wouldn't have
Haha. Ooops. You are too funny!
LOL! I had a safe bathroom too. Even after I was done school,and had to pick up my sister, I used my safe bathroom...Great post.
Oh hall passes... I only had one teacher who made us use a hall pass to go to the bathroom, but I'm thinking they've pretty much done away with them because of stories like these.
You're a brave soul. Good thing it was YOUR pee, and not leftovers from a person before you. Now that would've been tragic.
ooooh the things i have dropped in pee water. cell phones, hair accessories, walkie talkies (i used to work a large retail store, and we used walkies to communicate between managers)...
it has never occurred to me to flush first if the item is big enough though. i learned something today.YAY!
I'm sure that was NOT the first or last time those stupid passes were dropped in the toilet. At least you hadn't pooped. You could have passed it off that it feel into the sink while you washed your hands. There was never any counter space to set it on just that thin piece of metal by the mirrors.
I KNEW I wasn't the only girl that had a "safe" bathroom. In middle school I'd walk completely to the OTHER side of the school to pee. No joke. And in HS I would hold it until lunch and then go home to pee LOL. I'm pretty sure the first time I stepped inside a bathroom at the HS was my graduation day, and that was just because I had to fix my cap.
I will forever use hand sanitizer when touching a hall pass...
I actually had my purse tip over (it was sitting on the tank) and the entire contents there in ened up in the pee water. Yeah, that was a wonderful day.
Oh, and we actually had a teacher us a clipboard as a hall pass.
ROFLMAO! I wonder who used that hall pass next...or who had used it before you and possibly had a similar episode???
Ewwww...
I have safe bathrooms everywhere. And not safe ones where I assume snakes are lurking.
Yes BONGO JEANS ruled! They made me appear taller than I actually was.
And I hate when you have to translate for the younger crowd. Because I am your exact age. And it makes me feel old.
I told someone on Twitter that I digged them and their tweets and they laughed at my use of the word dig. They said they aren't up on 90's lingo. I was like 90's? Hell, I prefer 80's lingo even more.
Old.
Ha ha ha only you! I would have thrown the dang thing away & then announced to the whole class it fell in the toilet. Although, this wouldn't have happened to me because I DO NOT pee in public! I never have been able to & NEVER went at school... needless to say I had a really full bladder by the time I got home. I still can't pee most places. When I am preggo I have to pee at home & take it in to the doctor because I can't do it in the office. I'm odd I know....
I would have left the pass in the toilet. I can't deal with toilet germs.
Happy birthday to Big Boy! Wow, 7 y/o. I can't imagine Miss Petrie at 7, but I know it will happen soon enough.
I need to dye my hair due to some serious white on the sides, but I'm afraid of black hair. My hair is so dark that the closest option IS black. Hmm...maybe I'll try henna.
I'm with Myya. I have a bladder of steal, and usually have a really hard time peeing in public places. However, I did have a "safe bathroom" and "safe time" to use it for those special times of the month, where a girl must make exceptions to the rule.
The only thing you can do after an embarrassment like that, is pray that your arch enemy is the next person to grab it. Then it can be like your own little joke. Like, she gets to touch your pee, because she pi$$ed you off!
Damn, I'm glad we didn't go to the same school. Did you crack up after that incident every time another student took the hall pass??? I would have. Fo sho!
OMG! This is too funny. I would've probably grabbed a paper towel or insisted a janitor fish it out but then again my classes hall passes were these teeny tiny things that you slipped in your pocket.
At my school, "Can I go to the washroom?" was really code for, "I wanna get out of class to roam the halls and waste time". Nobody cared how long you took cause they knew what you were doing. Skipping class while in class BAaaaM. That's the way to go. ha ha.
Im pretty sure I would have just left it there...pretty sure.
HAAAAA!!! No you certainly don't want that!!!! LOFL!
Just be glad there was only pee water in there.
Freaking hilarious! One of the English teachers hall pass was a toilet seat that said "Potty Pass" I hated going to the bathroom when in that class.
LOL. "I think we learned Government". bwah. Must be where you got your political savvy. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I totally understood the "safe" bathroom reference without your explanation. haha.
I had button fly Bongo jeans. They were awesome. I used to get them from Contempo Casuals. Does anyone else remember that store?
you made all that up. you know you were pooping.
dude. i had bongo jeans. in like every color. and skinny ones, too. i was so rockin'.
Hindsight, right? ;)
Awesome. I think you handled it beautifully :)
While we're on the subject of pooping, I had this thought today, after coming upon a girl waiting in line for a stall when there was one open. Granted, someone had failed to flush, and it was poop, but why don't people just go in there and flush it? Funny.
OMG. Hilarious post. I think you did a good think retrieving that pass...:)
I have burned all high school memories from my brain. Too horrible to think of :)
See, that wouldn't have occured to me either. I avoided school bathrooms until I was in college. My bladder used to be made of steel - until I had kids.
Thank you for stopping by and commenting on my 1st blog post! I appreciate it.
I had grey and white striped Bongo jeans! They were hot!
... and thankfully you weren't pooping!
First off I was totally thinking I hope she flushed before she retrieved it and then I read on and thought you poor thing. At least it was just pee!
Second, I was listening to the radio last week and they had people calling in to tell their "what fell in the toliet" stories...I think the worst was someone lost their retainer and they retrieved it pre-flush of course and washed it up and used it again.... EWWWWW!!
I love that you talked about the safe bathroom! Hehehehe
Dang. Those mortifying days of school.....not to be missed....
So funny! I'm sure you weren't the first to drop that in the toilet.
My safe bathroom was the same from 7th grade through senior year.
Can I just say...EWWWWWW
You are too funny!
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