This F-Bomb is the story behind my Facebook status the other day.
Some of you may be my friend on FB and saw this:
Word to the wise: Never, ever, ever, everever, NEVER ever, EVAH correct children that aren't your own in public. Especially if their momma is standing RIGHT.THERE.
Some people may have mistook this to mean that I accidentally yelled at a kid in front of his mom and got beat down. Rest assured, I have yelled at little brats in the store before, ones that are really doing something stupid and obviously need some sort of reprimand.
But this was actually somebody yelling at my little brats kids who are perfect angels and never do anything wrong. <--- total lie.
However, this time, my kids weren't doing anything wrong, it was just a lame bitchy very astute and helpful worker who mistook what they were doing and stuck her fat nose in our business decided to correct them.
Here's how it went down:
we're (and by we're i mean me and my 2 boys) in a fabric store.
a fabric store where i always see mennonite mommies. they each have about eleventy million children.
and, just because they are wearing handmade smocks and look all adorable and such, does not mean that they behave all the time.
why?
because they are children, people. children tend to be naughty at times.
why do i tell you this?
to explain that we are in a fabric store where they see tons of kids. tons and tons. i know this because i
weighed the amount of kids in there once and it was tons and tons. 'kay?
moving along.
my boys and i are in the very back of the fabric section. we are surrounded by bolts and bolts of fabric and nothing else.
the kids are bored.
why?
because they are children and their mommy has drug them into the fabric store. duh.
so they do what normal kids do to entertain themselves.
they begin to "race" each other down the aisle.
and by race, this is what i mean...
"get ready, get set....GO."
and they commence mock slow motion running.
they are literally moving slower than if they are walking.
at this point i'm happily (and by happily i mean i'm going crazy because there are too many choices for my indecisive brain) looking at fabric.
i'm letting the kids pretend to race.
this is what i hear:
"boys. boys!!! no. running. in. the. store!!"
uh. what the what? did someone just yell at my kids?
they were at the end of the aisle getting ready to "race" back.
and someone, someone who i shall call mandy, because that was her name, yelled at my kids.
i do what any
and at the point i round the corner, she disappears into the employee only area.
hmph.
she's running scared now. she knows she messed up.
so i gather up my fabric and my kids and head to the cutting area to have it cut.
by the time i get there there are a few ladies in front of me, waiting for their fabric to be cut also.
there are 2 employees and one of them looks up at me and says:
"ma'am. ma'am!!! someone will be right with you."
i recognize that squeally voice.
it's her.
the
now.
you're probably expecting that i said something here.
and....
you would be wrong.
i'm a wuss.
i said nothing. nada, zilch, zero.
i just wanted to get my fabric cut and leave.
but i did notice that she had 5 pairs of golden scissors on her name tag, which i assume means that she is very good at
i don't know. i should probably be jealous and aspire to be her.
but i don't.
go figure.
when i got home i told my husband that the kids got yelled at by a fabric lady.
but, i explained, it wasn't her fault she was so
i know you wanna know.
it was because she just heard her insurance denied her elective surgery.
what surgery?
you know.
the one to have her ginormous set of brass balls removed!
man.
burn!!!
i showed her!
burn!!!
i showed her!
and by her i mean you all, because i didn't have the balls to confront her myself.
don't hate.
i understand she maybe mistook the situation and just assumed they were gonna run.
i also get that she might be tired of kids running around the store.
i get it.
but.
i don't get her yelling at my kids who were actually being very good right then.
so there.
now. because i love my kids who are never, ever, ever brats....sarcasm...i want to try to win this wii game for them. and i'm letting you in on the secret so maybe you can win it instead! which would make me sads, but i love you, so i'll make the sacrifice. see? i loves you. go visit heather to try and win!
link your fbombs up below and have fun!
Peeee Essss...Have a wonderful 4th of July!
Happy Birthday America!!
also. did you guys notice that i used no capitalization in part of this post, but not all? yeah, me too. weird.
34 comments:
That is really irritating.
I once had a lady come up to me in Walmart and tell me to pick up my child (who was busy throwing a tantrum)
I responded to her by asking if she wanted to hold her and walk beside me as I finished my shopping.
Hahahaha I can't believe the boys got yelled at for mock running in the store. My mom used to drag me to the fabric store when I was little and I used to climb all over stuff I wasn't supposed to because it was so boring.
Mandy needs to remove the pole from her rear.
What kind of scale did you use to measure the tons and tons of kids?
I always assume my kids are guilty (I mean perfect) and then check for their alibi.
They are kids and they are gonna do wrong. That being said she is lucky you didn't snap her in two. How did the boys feel about this?
When I worked in retail there was a toy section in our store and parents would leave there kids there while they shopped. They would open everything up and play with them losing parts and wrecking packaging.
My question to them when I walked down that row was "Is that yours?" and when they said no I would say "Then don't play with it". What a bitch, I know.
LOL! ssh! it's like you were whispering because you don't want the freaky fabric lady to catch you talking about her....
do you know what they do to little kids who run in the fabric store back in the employees only section?? do you?
pffft. What a witch. Sounds like she needs to have a margarita and chill a bit.
I was really hoping that you told her off. I can't imagine two boys not being perfect angels in a fabric store. She is obviously confused.
Brass Balls! I hear that surgery is becoming more and more common. Soon the world will be bitch free. You know, except for me, cause I hate surgery.
I almost threw down with some bitch in Marshalls who complained about my son crying. I was six weeks post partum and in no mood. Instead of ripping out her heart and showing it to her, I cursed her out and threw an armload of men's socks at her. It's the only time I ever opened my mouth to anyone. Being post partum hormonal has very few advantages.Speaking your mind might be one of them.
I haven't experienced that....yet. I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later though.
You're funny. Happy 4th of Juuuuly to you too! Have a great weekend.
I distinctly remember someone yelling at my 7 (at the time) year old who wasn't even misbehaving. I. was. livid. My kid is INSANELY well-behaved (the other two, not so much) and I was horrified that someone would speak sharply to him.
Oh I would be so mad too! I don't like it when people say stuff when my kids are misbehaving, let alone when they are being good. And you aren't the only chicken out there.
Ok, the problem for me is, my kids wouldn't be running the slow paced race. I can picture it all too well... pretty much keeps me from taking all 4 out, unless I'm feeling really brave and adventurous.
If your fabric store is as empty as mine usually is, the employees should be happy your kids are entertaining themselves while you are there. They should be ecstatic that you are there!
I wondered what that was all about! While I wish you would have told her off, I also can't blame you for not doing it. I would have done the same thing.
I love the part about the menonite children wearing matching smocks! I grew up in Ohio, and that is SO TRUE!!! My husband didn't believe me when I told him that in my town, Walmart had "buggy parking" for the Amish people.
Sorry I've sucked it up on commenting this week! I still love ya!
Like I said on FB, I have zero issues getting onto other people's kids but they're always doing something wrong. And it usually involves my own lovely children as well.
For the crazy lady to reprimand them when they were good? Forget about the balls, she needs to have the giant stick removed from her rear.
Um yeah, same store, an employee (don't know her name) yelled at my sweet innocent Blanche. Maybe she was running down the aisles but I could handle the situation myself!
TOTALLY your fault for bringing them to the fabric store! hee-hee. Yesterday while my sister & I were shopping at Kohl's a bitchy lady glared at our kids & then proceeded to tell them to be quite, stop yelling. They were not yelling, talking yes, but you have to understand that there are 5 of them, of course it isn't going to be a dull wisper. They were actually not being bad or even all that loud. She was just a witch! Ok so funny thing... Amira walks right up to the lady & says "ummmm lady I wasn't yelling, none of us were!" ha ha ha!
Who does that shit?
You should have given her the shocker.
Yeah, I said it.
LMAO! I'm sure she felt your wrath.
I wouldn't have said anything either. I would have if I caught her right when she was doing it, but not after the fact. Whatever, she still got a virtual burn.
I was waiting for this to become a post!! Evil smock women
Kids do get bored in those types of stores...I love the eleventy million number! Classic!
Once my neighbor told my youngest (2 yrs. old at the time) that if he didn't get back from the street she was going to spank him.
*record scratch*
She's still alive but only because I was too shocked to bitch slap her.
Being a school teacher I have the hardest time not getting after kids in public. I always hold my tongue though.
I must say "WALK!" 20 times a day to kids in the hall. This is a habit that wants to bleed into my personal life in public.
I have yet to let it.
However, I will, without a doubt, get after a kid if he butts in front of me in a line.
I would have not even thought to say anything to two kids running in slow motion though. LAME.
Running in slow motion? Wow. I once had employees trying to catch me in Wal-Mart. My Mom acted as though we were strangers. That way, she didn't have to listen to the complaints from ten helpful people.
UNREAL! I hope she tripped and fell into oncoming traffic after work...okay, so maybe that's harsh. (Nah, probably not!)
I don't think it's other people's places to correct someone elses kids. Tacky & rude I say!
What an asshole.
Btw I'm shocked that you saw a Mennonite in a fabric store. ;)
Yeah - I'd probably wuss out too. I'm all talk in my head but a big scaredy cat in real life.
I noticed the no capitalization, but not that it was only part of it. So when you said that I had to go back and check. Guess what? You were right.
I've told you my philosophy on this previously...I'm to lazy to say it again.
Also, did you know that when Tanielle was little, she wanted to be a fabric cutter when she grew up? I know, hilarious, right?
I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I was distracted by the fact there were no capital letters.
:)
Clearly she had a few more pairs of golden scissors stuck up her ass and that was why she was so irritable
I do this in person, too, I hear something and then it reminds me of something that happened to me. Only this time it happened to my husband. One of our neighbors (a young single woman who mows her lawn wearing a bee keeper's hat and uses one of those manual mowers) came over and wanted to talk to him about how he talked to one of our girls. Because she heard him call her a "stinker" (jokingly) and she thought he'd said something else. Either way -- her business? I think not. I'm going to call my daughter a stinker outside every day just to see if she dares to come over in my yard and say something to me.
Maybe Mandy had a pair of golden scissors up her bum that day...
It must be written in the handbook somewhere because, oh my god, fabric store ladies are the MEANEST EVER. You should see those old biddies' faces when I herd my brood in their store. And I swear, my kids are REALLY good, but they give us the evil eye the whole time.
(I wouldn't have said anything, either, if it makes you feel any better!)
Seriously, I can't get past the Caps in this post. Or the lack thereof.
To cap, Not to cap.. That is the question.
PS. Fabric Lady is a bitch. I would have had her cut mega tons of fabric, folded it all nicely, and then walked out with it right there on the counter. In yo face! Now, go put all that $hit back!
Post a Comment