Friday, February 10, 2012

Obsessive

Okay, people.

Today I'm going to let you into my brain. Not just my brain, but my brain during some sort of meltdown.

My brain on overload.

See, there are times in my life that there are tons of things going on. Some big things, some small things, nothing important or maybe really important, but a lot of stuff either way.

I go along with these things and deal with them.

I'm a person who likes order. I like to know what's going on in all aspects of life...at all times. I don't like last minute changes or anything "unplanned" to crop up. If it does, it really messes with my sense of well being. I trust things are going to go the way I plan them and they better or I'm gonna throw a fit. Okay, maybe not a fit. But I certainly won't be happy.

Anyway. I have a lot of things going on. Stupid things. Important things. Things that I don't know exactly what the outcome will be, but for now I'm okay with it. It can't be avoided, so I deal.

I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed even though there's nothing life altering going on right now.

And then. Something happens. Something small, insignificant, not a big deal. But it completely takes over my brain for a bit.

In fact, I'll tell you what it is and you can point and laugh at really how small it is. And then laugh at my reaction.

For some dang reason while I was eating a Nilla wafer, my tooth chipped. Now, I've put a lot of money in my mouth and I like to take care of my investment. So a chipped tooth is annoying but not earth shattering. And it's not even where you can see it by looking at me.

Because I have certain anxiety issues and OCD there are times that these unexpected and small events can take over my brain. I think it's because I already feel overwhelmed and there are a lot of things not in my control going on right now that bug me. So this small issue becomes huge.

My brain seizes on this stupid chipped tooth and I'm almost having a panic attack.

What if:
the rough edge/point snaps off and breaks my tooth?
what if they can't just file it down to a rounder edge and i have to have extensive work?
what if it costs a lot of money?
what it if starts to hurt?
what if they can't fix it?
what if i have to have a root canal?
omgosh what if i have to have a root canal?!
i don't want to drive all the way over to my dentist.
i just had a stupid crown break and had to have it replaced.
the last thing i want to do is go again and spend more money.
can't leave it, though.
what if it snaps off like i said before?
must have it fixed.
my stomach hurts.
it's been consuming my thoughts all day.
i don't want to eat because it might break!
called the dentist.
they didn't answer.
left a message.
didn't hear back.
now they're closed.
won't be back til monday.
what if i can't get in til late next week?
what if it breaks off or gets worse before they can hopefully fix it?
then it's even more money, time, pain, etc...
my stomach still hurts.

Seriously. This is my brain in meltdown mode. It's a small thing. It's not a big deal. I know this. I've had this happen before. It's an easy fix.

I'm a logical person.

Sometimes my non-logical brain likes to assert itself and I hate it.

Tell me you freak out over stupid crap sometimes.

Or maybe I need more meds.

My stomach still hurts.

Can you say NUTS?







20 comments:

Xazmin said...

I love your crazy self!

Sometimes when life is overwhelming us, it's the little things that push us over the edge into meltdown mode.

Believe me...I KNOW! It's not just you. Promise.

I hope it all gets fixed up nicely, and quickly, and painlessly, and cheaply!!

Furry Bottoms said...

Yes, I do freak out over stupid shit. I am not OCD, but I do like to have order for some things.

As for chipped tooth... I chipped a tooth myself like a month or two ago. One of my molars chipped off at the edge. You cannot see it, but I can FEEL it with my tongue and I am constantly rubbing against it to check it. Its sharp, but I think my constant rubbing has rounded it out a bit on its own.

Now, if it starts to hurt, I will go to the dentist, but otherwise... nah. It depends on your dental health. Everytime my teeth starts to get sore, I worry about that one chipped tooth back there and if it's gonna get infected. So I rinse my mouth with Listerine and the soreness goes away most of the time.

If you think you've chipped your tooth down to the roots, then ay, go to the dentist. Usually they will take in emergencies right away.

But your post is about your obsessive worrying isn't it. Yes, I do get that way lots of times. And it irritates the f* out of me! You want control, but your obsession is getting out of control at the same time... ugh!

Sarah Kate said...

Aaahhhhhh MiMi! It's going to be okay!!! You poor thing. You're going to get it fixed and it'll all be okay in the end. :o)

I can understand your feelings though. I operate on the same sort of plane where if anything unexpected pops up, my entire world gets confused, so I get it. I really do. I hope they can get you in first thing Monday morning!

Impulsive Addict said...

Oh no! I'm sorry. But now I can never eat another Nilla wafer.

When I went to Denver in December, my moms friend was "trying" to eat a roasted chestnut. It totally chipped one of her front teeth. Not just a little either. It was a HUGE chunk. She had to walk around (and to go work) like that for a week before her dentist could get her in. The end result? She had to replace all 4 front teeth!!!!!! Whaaaat?

Ok, I hope you get it fixed soon so all your OCD questions can be put to ease.

Impulsive Addict said...

or is it AT ease? Whatev.

VandyJ said...

I totally obsess over stupid stuff, but I usually do it when I'm trying to go to sleep. My mind just decide no sleep for you and goes on these crazy tangents and before I know it it's like mid night and I've been trying to go to sleep for two hours. Hate it when that happens.

becca said...

this is why we as mom are nuts 90% of the time you just can't turn our brains off ever

Terry said...

Oh I can totally relate. I find that even the stupidest thing can torment my mind until I can check it off my list. It doesn't actually need to be done right away, but I can't rest until it's off my freaking list. Get off now!!!! I've had a series of small chips off my front teeth (grind my teeth in my sleep much?) and my tongue will play with it incessantly until I get it fixed. Drives me nuts. So, from one nutty to another, love you just the way you are. Hope you can forget about it for the weekend (wine might help).

Myya said...

I'm gonna say it cuz no one else is... You are a whack job! BUT I love every single thing about you, even your crazy things :)

Meg said...

a nilla wafer? Never eating THOSE again. Thanks. ;)

tara said...

we are the same person. seriously. i just read this out loud to hubs to prove that i'm not the only crazy person who thinks/worries like that!!

stephanie said...

i think you are charmingly adorable :)

Lori E said...

You can pour a whole lot of water into a pitcher filling it right to the top and it doesn't spill but add one more spoonful and it will.
Life is like that.

Mamarazzi said...

i love this about you.

i love that you can totally break it down and know that you are having irrational feelings and just call it what it is.

i think this is also what makes you the perfect mama for your anxious kid. you get it. getting it goes a long way.

Monday will come. you will get the tooth fixed and it won't end up being a big deal.

try not to catastrophize..i know it is easier said than done, i do the same thing. but there is nothing you can do about it right now so try really hard not to let it ruin your entire weekend.

i love you. i get it. totally.

Raoulysgirl said...

I think we've known for some time now that we are somehow sisters. This just proves it for me.

When I would talk about being neurotic on my blog? This is E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. what I meant. I will drive myself absolutely batshit crazy with worry over something that is NO BIG DEAL. And OH...heaven forbid if it IS a big deal. I go into full-blown, hyperventilating/cant sleep/cant eat/eat everything in sight/gonna puke/have the squirts/shaking like a leaf in the wind/sweating like a weightlifter/Tums eating fool.

I kid you not.

{HUGS}

Jen said...

You are NOT nuts! Sometimes it's the littlest of things that make me go off.
P.S. I've had my front tooth chip...twice. I can very well relate! Hope you don't have to wait too long to get it fixed.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Endearingly nuts. :) I do the same thing! When I'm already a little overloaded one little thing can send me into slightly crazy mode.

Hoping you are completely underwhelmed in the very near future.

Sela Toki said...

I'd go bonkers if I chipped a tooth. I overheard my dentist said to a patient that bit a chicken bone and chipped her newly fixed tooth. "Your teeth are your treasures. You're suppose to protect and take care of them with your life. Not chew on chicken bones!" LOL. But your post cracked me up. And no, you're not nuts. Just a little paranoid. LMBO.

Lourie said...

I am exactly the same! Exactly. And I will always always land the worst case scenario. Hang in there.

Brandy@YDK said...

you crack my stuff up. for real. i obsess over plans. like i want things to go exactly as i imagine in my head and then i'm completely disappointed and a little pissed.