Originally published: May 27th, 2009.
You're Not in Kansas Anymore
Wanna know how to tell that you've ended up in Oregon??
Wanna know how to "fit in" if you ever visit??
Wanna know what we complain about??
Well, here ya go:
This is how you can tell you've ended up in Oregon...
You will notice people wandering around in sweatshirts, hiking boots and SHORTS.
There are several variations on this theme: sweatshirts/jackets, sweat pants and FLIP FLOPS.
We are ALWAYS dressed in layers. We can take things off if it warms up.
You might catch one of us with a OSU Beaver's shirt on climbing into a car with UofO Ducks logos all over it.
We carry re-usable shopping bags (go green!) out of the store and load em up into our gas guzzling SUV's.
When driving, we may use our heater at 8 a.m. and at 10 a.m. switch to a/c.
We may be wearing sunglasses when it's raining.
When it hits 60 degrees you will see WAY too much skin.
We are used to driving at least 30 minutes to go to a store that we like.
We love Dutch Brothers.
People pronounce Washington and wash cloth "Warshington" and "warsh cloth." (not me, I've evolved...)
This is how you "fit in" and look natural:
NEVER carry an umbrella.
Freak out when you get to a part of the freeway with more than 2 lanes.
Head for the coast as soon as it quits raining and there are signs of spring. Wear coats cause it's cold, but wear flip flops because, really, you're at the beach for goodness' sake!
Look like a "recycler." Even if you don't, you MUST at least look like one.
Put studded tires on in October and don't take em off until April.
Put an Obama sticker on your car. In fact, put one on everything you own that's mobile, including ATV's.
Drive 100 miles to shop at Trader Joe's so you can buy organic. Don't worry about the green house emissions that your SUV just sputtered into the atmosphere.
Call yourself an "Oregonian."
Have a bumper sticker that says "Or-y-gun" to remind people how to pronounce it.
Use the word "pop" not "soda."
Anxiously await spring so you can go "muddin'."
Know the name of EVERY hill, butte, or mountain in your surrounding area.
Look forward to the Country Fair every year so you can go hang out with the hippies and smoke pot.
This is how you complain like an Oregonian:
Bitch about the hippies that smoke pot at the Country Fair. (ironic, no?)
Bitch about the 9 months of rain and then complain the first day it hits 80.
Curse those Washington drivers.
Don't think of Californians as mere Californians. They are "damn Californians."
Complain about the weather.
Complain about the State of Portland and Republic of Eugene.
Bemoan the fact that there are 2 counties in Oregon that decide anything voted on. Lane and Multnomah.
Complain about the weather.
Freak out every time they propose a sales tax while going into the local state run liquor store to buy alcohol.
Every time you go to another state, sit in your car at the gas pump waiting for the dude to come pump your gas. Bitch cause you can't figure out the self service pump.
Did I mention: Complain about the weather...?